politick
Well that was one fine night of debates. Those guys and gals are serious masterdebators!
I started out watching the American vice-presidential debate. It’s the blockbuster of debates after all. “In a time when the world was crumbling, one man risked everything he had…one woman joins a rebel, renegade cop…” It’s awesome. How can you not watch this stuff? Pick the horse you bet will win and watch everyone beat it to death. The Americans have completely mastered the theatre of election politics. Awesome graphics and slogans, experts weighing in at every turn, instant play by play action on every move that everyone makes. You don’t have to think for yourself one bit. There’s someone there everystep of the way to tell you who won, what resonated with you, and what alienated you. It’s like a Jerry Bruckheimer film. Then you throw in this Palin lady. She’s like Rocky. She’s totally unqualified to even be in the ring, she leads with her face, but she talks like she’s been hit in the head too many times, and people can relate to that. The people’s champ. And the Vice presidential debate pits her against Joe Biden, the unpredictable ex-Golden Gloves champion, in a huge auditorium, with a million dollar set, awesome lighting, camera’s everywhere, immediate reaction graphs from the audience. It’s big budget, baby! The Maverick vs The Loose Cannon. One night only!!Awesome, I’ll take a Large popcorn and a Coke.
Then I remembered that I’m a Canadian, and I should probably pay attention to what’s going on in my own country, so I flipped over to the Canadian Leader’s debate. Well… it was like turning on the public access channel. Are you serious? Four super lame looking dudes, and one lame looking lady sitting around a table in a tiny, boring CBC studio, talking over eachother in monotones and broken english. I can’t watch this. Where’s all the sensory stimuli? Okay, fine, I’ll listen to what they have to say about the issues… Uh hu… okay… I see… interesting… right… Okay, so what I’m gathering here is that the other dudes are idiots and you are awesome. Great… that helps me a lot… killer mustache, Jack.
Here’s my problem with Canadian politics. Preface: The fact that there are more than two parties to vote for, I think is awesome. It’s definitely a leg up on the Coke or Pepsi selection to the south. But here’s the thing, I don’t actually vote for the leader of the party. I vote for the MP in my riding, who belongs to a certain party. Great, that person is supposed to stand up for me and when Parliment meets, they are there to voice my concerns, and fight for me and the people in my area. Well, here’s the problem. They are a member of a party. And that party has a leader. And that leader has an agenda. And everyone who is in said party must vote in agreement with the leader of their party, otherwise, they get fired from the party. Well, that’s just great. Oh well, at least I have the senate to fight for me. Oh, what’s that? The senate is APPOINTED? By who? Oh, the prime minister, of course. That makes sense.
Great system.
The debates aren’t really there to tell us anything new. They’re there so you can take your shots at the other guy, and so you can tell me what I want to hear. I know it, you know it, we’re all in on it. I’m not going to wake up when it’s all done and be in some magical place. So give me some entertainment, at least. Make it like a rock show! Get me excited. I want to feel like the candidates have huge dressing rooms, filled with awesome stuff, and booze and chicks. And I want to believe that they’re going to amazing after parties. I want pyro-technics to accentuate their points. “We say NO to tax increases” (Big explosion!!). I want a Zaphod Beeblebrox. I know you’re going to be decieving me and screwing things up, and stealing, so give me a freakin’ rock show in the meantime. At least let me enjoy the distraction. If you’re going to screw me (which is inevitable), have the decency to take me out for a nice dinner and a great show.
Now that’s something I can masterdebate about.