artist Blind Tiger, Tiger

The time has come to talk of many things. Like, for example, where the hell we've been all summer. Blind Tiger, Tiger would just like to formally apologize for disappearing over the past couple months. We had important business to attend to: camping, tubing, visiting parents, falling off our bikes, drinking, swearing off drinking, slipping on seaweed, poking jellyfish, and ceasing to use the Internet.

I really haven't been using email, facebook, or myspace for about a month, so if anyone has messaged me and I haven't responded, I sincerely apologize.

I haven't even seen some of our band members for a while. I hear Sean is uncertain as to whether Blind Tiger, Tiger still exists. Well, I'll tell him right after I tell all of you: we do!

Actually, while we've been slacking off, the internet and radio has been doing good work for us. We're apparently charting in Toronto and St. Catharine's and on various other college radio stations. Plus, we're currently sitting at number 26 on CBC Radio 3's R3-30. That's really awesome and gratifying. Speaking just for myself, I feel really grateful to the CBC for doing so much for fledgling bands. It's so cool to hear us being played on a national radio show that I already listen to.

Anyway, we'll be getting back to playing shows really soon. We had to turn down a bunch of shows because we were all out of town and out of practice, but we've got some really exciting stuff coming up.

Anyway, with this excessive use of the word 'exciting', I feel like some kind of filthy slick-haired marketing goon with big square teeth and an iron handshake. So please don't take it that way. I really am excited.

A few unrelated things.

1. I went to visit my mom in Nanaimo and went to a petting zoo, where I encountered the animal that is pictured with this post.

ISN'T IT THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN???

2. I can't stop listening to this song. What is wrong with me?

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3. Our very own, very talented guitar player/cellist/vocalist extraordinaire, Catherine Hiltz, has composed two anthems for the Hockey Night in Canada theme song contest. For those of you who don't know, Hockey Night in Canada has lost the rights to its theme song and has started a contest asking anyone, everyone, to write a new theme.

Voting for the new theme starts on October 4th, but for now, you can listen to and rate anthems on the website.

Catherine's submissions can be found here and here. Please check them out! If she wins, she'll buy us a tour van!!

We ate a kilogram of pretzels on the one-day drive to Vancouver. Picked up our drunken host, Jessica Dawson, from some random street, and drove to her tiny apartment. Jessica partied with us every night we were in town. Best host ever!

Next day was our show at Hoko's, which is in East Hastings. Initially, things didn't look good. The other bands and promoter weren't there yet, and our server told us we'd have to order something if we wanted to stay. The only other people at the bar were people singing karaoke. Rather than being tossed out on the street, we decided to order some beer, and --as always when alcohol is introduced into a situation-- things started looking up. We sang some karaoke. Here's how it went:

The waitress had to sing when nobody else was singing, and tried to entice people at the bar to duet with her. Catherine joined her on "Hey Jude".
Jessica Dawson sang "Africa" by Toto.
Marshall sang a bunch of songs, and once received a score of 99%.
Jamie and Jessica Dawson sang "Stop" by the Spice Girls.
Catherine sang "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette, as she always does.
Jordan sang "Hit Me Baby One More Time".
The girl from Ghost House sang a pretty amazing version of that annoying Cher song.

Me? I didn't sing anything. I am shy as a result of a subconscious belief that I'm inferior.

Kristin and the other bands showed up, and after everyone was feeling good from all the karaoke, the show began. It turned out to be extremely fun! We were fortunate enough to have a good crowd, and I had a lot of fun playing. Dave, our substitute drummer, did an excellent job. Plus, it was his birthday! Then we watched A Relative Distance and Ghost House, who were awesome, and got totally shitfaced. The bartender ended up buying us a round of shots or two, as did Catherine's sisters who were in town as well.

Our Myspace friend Steve Louie was there too, and got some excellent photos.
You can check them out at his Flickr account, here

---

The next day we hung out with our friends Mike and Dave and then went to Celebrities, a crazy gay bar, where we once more drank many shots, got shitfaced, and danced. We met some drunk girl who bought us drinks-- that is, she bought drinks for those of us who are gay. She was prejudiced! We also saw a skunk wandering around among the high-rises of downtown Vancouver.

Then we spent 2 days in Nanaimo hanging out with my mom. Blah blah blah.

You get our super EP release party at Kelly's Saloon at Fort Edmonton Park! It's gonna be crazy.



Our EP is What the Hammer? What the Chain? Five songs of brass-coated pop mayhem.

The beer is going to be from Amber's Brewery, which is undoubtedly Edmonton's finest new brewery.

This show will also be the release of My Robot Unicorn's all-casio album, Alphabet Soup. It's also a tour kickoff. We'll be in various western Canadian cities, so if you live in those cities, come check us out. And see us at Sled Island. We are playing a day show, so you won't have to miss any other bands to see us. And it's some kind of zine show, which is awesome for me. I love that stuff.

NEXT: Blind Tiger, Tiger is going to be on CTV on June 10. I will post the exact time when I know. We'll be playing some songs and talking about our EP Release, tour, and the importance of Pride Week.

That's about it for now.

I know I always say something weird in these blogs, but I don't really have much today. I'm too burnt out from all this planning and promotion. Hey, but I did learn the other day that JFK was essentially on meth. Crazy, huh?

Look up. Look wayyyy up.



I’m trying to cushion the blow of some bad news with familiar childhood imagery. Is it working? Here’s some more:



"Skinny and bonyyyyyy... Went to the circus, and farted on purpose." God, the memories are flooding back. I was so happy then.

And wow, Danny Devito was in that movie? Talk about a career high! (seriously, I loved that movie)

Well anyway, back to the bad news. Our EP isn’t coming out April 11th. It’s taking a bit longer to mix and master than we had projected, and we don’t want to release anything but pure PERFECTION, so the EP will instead be released in late May, or possibly even early June. But then we’ll really come out swinging: EP, awesome fun western-Canadian tour with My Robot Unicorn, actual photographs of the band. You won’t know what hit you. Look for our tour dates to be put up in the next little bit. We’re also involved in the top secret Spreepark project along with several other venerable Edmonton bands. Our "partners" in this project are Illfit Outfit, so we totall lucked out. We’re excited.

This is going to be a great summer.

-Jessica

UPDATE: I just went on Yahoo.ca, and this was one of the news headlines I saw: "Boys more likely to die than girls?" Just when I thought band stuff couldn’t be going any better, I discover that two-fifths of us might be immortal! Yessss!

Hey world,

Well, our brand new EP recorded with Eric Cheng (Spreepark, Portraits, Hills Like White Elephants) is virtually done. We've just got to mix and master, and then finally we can put some new songs on here and our Myspace.

The EP is titled: What the Hammer? What the Chain?

The track listing is:

1. Twist the Sinews
2. Pastor Haggard Finds True Love
3. 1950 DA
4. The Red List
5. Schoolyard Games

Also, we'll be touring around Western Canada come spring, so watch out for us!

-Blind Tiger, Tiger

EXT. THE OCEAN - AFTERNOON

The Orca is drifting in neutral. The ocean is like gelatin,
the sun sucking heat waves from its surface. Brody at the
stern, handkerchief on his head to protect from further sun-
burn, has been handed the slimiest job on a shark hunt: the
ladling out of chum. Brody is reeling with nausea. Quint is firmly situated in the fighting chair, reeling in the bait. They have the look
of being on open water for the better part of the day, with
no luck.

QUINT
(to himself)
That don't tempt him either, huh?

He hauls in the bait. Two mackerel, barely alive.

QUINT
We'll find him something.

Suddenly, the boat begins to shake, as if an earthquake miles below is causing the water to shudder. A mass of glinting silver fish leap into the air, several of them landing on board The Orca. They fall on the deck, flopping and glittering like daggers - like floppy, glittering daggers. The ocean begins to bubble and steam. It darkens to the colour of blood.

BRODY
(cigarette falling from his lips)
Dear God...

QUINT
That ain't no shark!

The shaking intensifies.

QUINT
(grabbing Brody by the arm and pulling him back toward the cabin)
Get back!

Slowly, a shape deep in the water rises to the surface. The men stare, helpless. The THING breaks the surface of the water but does not stop there; it floats upward into the air until it is several metres above their heads. It is a shapeless, luminescent essence - achingly beautiful, but cold, alien, and terrible. Quint and Brody try to look at it, only to find their eyes sliding to rest upon other things in the sky: clouds or distant seagulls. They seem unable to look directly at it, yet unable to look away. The thing is ceaseless motion and perfect stillness. When it speaks, its voice is both a silent vibration in the air and a deafening scream.

THING
You have woken me!

The men are at a loss for anything to say.

THING
I said, you have WOKEN me! I am awake!

BRODY
We didn't mean to wake you.

THING
The keening of your fear lacerates my dreams!

QUINT
We're sorry!

THING
Your apologies mean nothing to me. Your fears must be silenced!

Another seismic rumble shakes the men, the boat, and the ocean. Another shape begins to rise from the depths, but this time what is being pulled from the sea is the great white shark! ... remember? The one the whole movie is about? It is hauled up from the water until it hangs in the air in front of the men.

THING
THIS is the object of your fear.

The shark twists in the air, helpless. It flaps its little fins in a comical manner.

THING
I can easily destroy this creature. I can pop its bones through its flesh! I can strangle it with its own rectum! I can pull it into nothingness.

As a wind begins to blow, the shark begins to stretch, bellowing with pain. Horror shines in its big black buttony eyes.

BRODY
NOOOO!!!!

THING
What, is this not what you wanted? Isn't this the creature you hunt? Don't you want it dead?

BRODY
I do, but not like this! This shark has killed our family and friends, and WE must avenge them. We must spill its blood, even if it means spilling our own. This is what it means to be men. If you kill it, you take that from us!

For a long, agonizing moment, the shark continues to be pulled. We can almost hear the cartilage popping, like when you pull too hard on Barbie's knee. Then, suddenly, it stops. The shark drops back into the ocean. The winds die.

THING
Then I will stand back. But in exchange, you must spread my message, for I will return. In 2007, I will reveal myself again to humanity. You must prepare the people for my coming. I may be a snail, or I may be an entire planet. I may even be a band called blind tiger, tiger. You really never know how these things will turn out. But those who hear of my legacy will recognize me. So go! Go tell the world!

THE MEN
We will!

THING
Also, the shark is going to eat one of you.

The Thing dives back into the sea.

THING
Prepaaaaaaarrrreee....

The men stand there, touched and humbled by the glorious Thing. After a moment's silence, they get back to work. Unfortunately, the exhilaration of shark-killing will cause them to completely forget the Thing's message.

I guess it'll have to spread the word on its own. That's cool, I suppose.