On Canada Day, two of this nation’s most famous musicians celebrated by getting married. Singer Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger tied the knot at a small ceremony in the south of France. Here are some of the highlights from the big day, as we imagine it.

    • Pyro.
    • The couple overpronounced their own vows.
    • The wedding band? Theory of a Wedman.
    • Middle finger wedding rings.
    • Rockstar Energy toasts.
    • More speeches mentioning the word “rock” than a
    geology conference.
    • The wedding theme was “With Arms Wide Open.” Oh
     wait, that’s Creed. Nevermind.
    • The officiant opened with, “He was a groom, she was a
     bride. Can I make it any more obvious?” to tepid laughter.
    • Vows co-written by the Matrix.
    • The cake was inedible due to the decision to put actual
     metal studs on it.
    • At the cake cutting, Chad said, “You look so much cuter
     with frosting in your mouth,” to tepid laughter.
    • The photographer was heard to remark, “What the hell
      is on Joey’s head?”
    • Tuxedo provided by Edward Hardleston, the classy
     Ed Hardy.
    • These were the cake toppers:

(Siu Ding/Flickr; eBay)

posted by Dave Shumka on Jul 02, 2013