blog post Live on CBC Radio 3: Musical Matchmaking w/ Great Lake Swimmers

I seem to be attracted to people who have similar taste in music. However, when it comes to relationships, music hasn't been a common denominator. While I tend to listen to soft indie rock, my boyfriend, on the other hand, loves old school punk, metal and screamo. I've come to accept his flaw, but we both exchange our music from time to time. I'm very proud that I got him to like Joel Plaskett!!

as long as there is some overlap, of some kind, then I think it is doable.  And mutual respect.  My girlfriend and I don't have very similar taste, but it overlaps here and there, and she's not into what I would consider crap.  And no one I adore does she hate.  So it's not perfect, but it's working.  We're going to see Jill Barber on Valentines day here in Charlottetown, how is that for a romantic overlap of great musical tastes?

Martin

I don't think it's a problem for friendship and such.

I've never dated anyone whose taste in music I disliked, but I did date a guy who disliked mine.  Actually, it was more like it never occured to him that I had opinions on music; he always assumed that I wanted to listen to what he wanted to listen to, even when I flat-out told him otherwise.

That relationship didn't last very long.

I don't know about dating someone who respectfully disagreed with my taste in music, or whose taste in music I disliked.  I think it could work.

I don't think you have to like everything your significant other likes, as long as you respect their taste. I may not enjoy all of Tom Waits' music, say - but I think he's pretty amazing. Actually, I often find Tom Waits fans annoying and elitist, so very not like the man. It might be easier to date Tom Waits then someone who loves him...just sayin'.

but a great subject, with personal circumstances, that I'll post on in about 90 minutes.

Lee Hower - Sacramento, California

I'm going to have to say there will have to be some overlap. Although I almost dated a guy who was really into Nickleback. That didn't work out needless to say.

it depends how big of a part music plays in your life. I have dated girls in the past whose musical taste i could not stand and it never worked out. There's plenty o' fish in the sea, so find one who doesn't listen to phish.

I've been at it for almost 15 years now. It's not the end of the world. She (my lovely wife) has been making a concerted effort to listen to the Can. Indie stuff that I'm into. She loves Metric's new album, so that's a step in the right direction. We have overlaps in the area of the more mellow music - Jill Barber, Neko Case, Carolyn Mark.

She's not much into heavy guitar though, so I'll never turn her into a fan of bands like the Trews or the Smugglers. Oh well. I'll never really be a die-hard ABBA fan, either

As boders mentoned earlier, Lana came up with "indier-than-thou" -- in your example, although it doesn't quite roll off the tongue the same, I guess it'd be Waitsier-than-thou.

Of course a couple can have different tastes.  I want a boyfriend not a twin.

This reminds me alot of when I was in junior high and if your friend liked a band that you hated you either had to conform or the friendship was over. It's not so serious now but I think it's who you are that defines the music you like so the people I hang out with all seem to like the same music because we have simular tastes in everything.

I find it frustrating that many people use their tastes - be they for music, film or literature - to give them their identity. I heard a comment once where someone said "they think having seen a Spike Lee film is the same as having made it."

So while I admire and enjoy the unique romantic vision of Tom Waits and those who admire those same qualities, I don't like the people who think it makes them like him. it doesn't.

The only trouble with not liking the same music is road trips. Otherwise, who cares, really?

I have been dating a girl for about five months now in which there is absolutely no musical overlap.  She plays in a Christian rock band, and listens mostly to "inspiriational" music, but also loves muscic from the 80's for some reason. (I dont really get that, she was born in '85) But anyway she insists on playing absolutely terrible worship songs that I wouldnt mind (despite being an atheist) if they werent so terrible.

I mean, what is this?    Don Moen "Thankyou Lord"

By a wonderful storke of luck (a miracle maybe?) she got one of the last Don Moen concert tickets, so I wasnt forced into going. I dont think I could take it really. I try to tolerate it if I have to, because she really doenst like Canadian indie either, so there is some compromises.

Anyway, I've stayed with her despite our differences because she has some other really good qualities... and she's very hot.

So yes it can work. But I'm not sure for how long.

Don Moen link again

I think it really depends how much music means to you and how much you let it get in the way of your relationships. Don't they always say relationships are built on compromise?

As much as I love music, this same arguement can be applied to almost anything, food, sports, movies. It's just like if I was dating a triathalon athlete who was in 4 sports leagues and all they wanted to do is bike, hike, etc. It might not work out because although I don't mind doing that stuff once and a while, it's not my passion and I'm kinda lazy. It's the same as if I defined myself by my movie choices, if I did that I'd have to get my dates here.

"man rock"?? 

yes man rock.  it's horrible, i know.

Luckily I've only ever dated women with good taste in music.  The only music-related incident occurred at University when someone I was seeing accused me of stealing her Primus CD.  Who steal's "Sailing the Seas of Cheese"?  Not me.  I believe that might've been the beginning of the end of that relationship.

For some might not be doable at all, others workable with effort, and the lucky ones won't make to much difference at all and they will flow with it naturally. As the interviewee is saying right now, openness is important...with all relationships, not just romantic ones...crazytalk

I don't agree with this stereotype that always gets bandied about. There are just as many woman who base just as much on physical appearance as men. I think it's just a human thing.

Sam Roberts (Band), lots of his (their) rockers do right; the following are taken from tunes available for play free, or for purchase, here*:

Love at the End of the Worl

Detroit '67

Fixed to Ruin

Them Kids

An American Draft Doger in Thunder Bay

The Gate

The Canadian Dream

Where Have All the Good People Gone

Brother Down

Don't Walk Away Eileen; there are others, but these I know.

*When on the Home/Blog page, type the name in the box at upper right, and voila, a Sam Roberts playlist.

My husband and I don't love the same music, but we do hate the same music. You know what I'm saying? We each tollerate each others music and take turns using the stereo. For road trips, we make playlists with an equal mix of my stuff and his stuff. We make it work.

 I think when I was younger things like having the same musical tastes were more important to me in relationships, but really in my marriage, in the big picture, those differences seem to be very insignificant.

every once in a while my wife gets uppity with me, claiming that I'm a "music snob." I'm not sure if it's snobbery. I feel more like a little kid who's found a little cave just off a busy road that nobody knows about. One of the biggest reasons I've tried to stay out of the mainstream is it gets very tiring, being dragged along with everyone else, heading wherever "they" (the "all the hits, all the time" stations) want you to go and uh...where was I going with this analogy?

it's very repetitive. I know the words to an alarmingly large number of Jon Bon Groovi tunes even though I've never liked them because they were EVERYWHERE in the 80s. You really would've had to live in a cave to escape it.

music indicates lots about your personality. If you like nickelback then you probably cheer for the yankees and think friends is the best show ever.

I agree with you.  But I think both halves of the stereotype are wrong: in addition to women caring about looks, men do care about personality.  Well, except for a few jerks, but there are female jerks too.

On the other hand, I think there is more social pressure on men to act as though a woman's looks are what they care most about (even if it's not true), and more social pressure on women to act as though a man's looks don't matter (again, even if it's not true).

Fyck yeah. Politics, attitudes towards sexism, violence, etc., ride to a large extent with music, at least in such a bipolar example as yours.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'm a bit different than your average girl. and this is based on walking downtown (usually post-show) on Fridays and Saturdays.

I mostly see what I only indulged in during first year university: the dancing/club crowd.

Girls dolled up in way too short skirts and sparkley tops and guys in white collared shirts and pants with a bit too much flare to them.

Could I date a guy that was into the club/top40/dancing scene? No. Way. In. Hell. - any night that I am not seeing a show I am happily curled up on my couch watching hockey/reading/sleeping.

When I'm asked to shoot a party that is at a club, I look like the saddest person in the room. I swear I turn into an 80 year old woman, thinking everything is too loud and judging the couple making out in the middle of the dance floor.

So, I don't think I could date a top-40 lovin.

Meh.  All my friends think my music is weird to begin with.  Some of them are open minded and are willing to go to a show with me, some refuse, and some actually trust me to give me them new tunes on a regular basis.

I don't think I could date someone without the same tastes as me.  It's pretty much all I do.

Before I had a falling out with my last girlfriend, we started getting different tastes.  I'd go do one thing and she'd do the other.  It just became inevitable.  Worked alot better when we were on the same page.

@cam: it was really good. Getting up this morning sucked.

I think you can be friends with people who have very different musical tastes, but I don’t think you can live with them.

As far as introducing people to Canadian indie music goes, more people I know have been converted to Canadian indie music by The New Pornographers than any other group, but I think there are a lot of crossover artists now who should be good for bridging gaps between mainstream music and Canadian indie.  Feist, Neko Case, Japandorids, Metric, THT, Corb Lund ... come to mind, depending on what genre your significant other is coming from. 

Agreed!  I was dragged to parties at clubs a couple times in University, and I never really liked them.  I think I'd have higher tolerance for them now, just because I own earplugs and I'm less self-concious about my uncoordinated dancing.  But it still wouldn't be my first choice of how to spend an evening.

I hope they paid you well!

You should introduce her to some good Christian music.  Sufjan Stevens, Shad, Danielson, Wovenhand, and Caedmon's Call are a few you could try, depending on what kind of music she likes.  If you don’t know who all these artists are you can check them out here. 

http://www.allmusic.com/

Nice profile pic. :)

To answer the poll question of the day: 

yeah..it would be very hard for me to date someone who did not care for music or was really into garbage music(top 40) I like to go to shows, collect vinyl, trade, swap, buy and go on vinyl hunts..which is really just going to flea markets in search of vinyl gold. I also collect old players, gramophones and what not...so who would do that with me if they were concerned about the next lady gaga concert or really would they appreciate my obsession and not treat like a waste of time if they didn't really get it. Friends on the other hand, it's hard when you don't have the same tastes but it's do-able. I have friends who think my tastes are weird and I have friends who feel the same way as me.

It certainly isn' t mandatory in any relationship to like all the same things. It might make things easier though. I have grown up liking different music than my friends, who have been my friends since elementary school. We have different personalities and different tastes, but still love each other. It sure would be nice to have more friends to go to shows with though.  I love when you meet someone and get to discover what music they like. I like them, they like that music, so although I may not love it, I find I like it a little more because they do. Keep your minds open people.

Sorry dude, I missed it!!!! I was out having a good time at Attack in Black last night.

Music is constantly going around in my head as well, and I'd be all like "you HAVE got to hear this.  Your life will change"... .and it never would.  (Actually, the only time I can remember that happening is when I played my buddy "Killer Parties" by the Hold Steady. ) 

but anyways, back on topic, I think Cam and Benoit and whomever else stated that music dislikes are a lot more common.  This reminds me of my favorite quote from High Fidelity:

"...I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life"

While I could definitely handle being in a relationship with someone whose music wasn't really to my taste, it might be a bit harder if I absolutely HATED their music... or if they hated mine! Music is really personal, so I hope that if I really liked the person I would try to see why they liked the music and maybe learn to appreciate (or stand) it myself.

Personally, I think short skirts and cool tights are pretty awesome.  But when I get the impression that the short skirt–wearer is only wearing the short skirt because everyone else is, then I find it less cool.

Of course, I feel that way about most fashion.  Except perhaps cuffed shorts, because I don't know why anyone would wear them other than because everyone else is.

i'm willing to say that i probably couldn't date a club-going/top 40 loving dude either, but probably more because i suspect our general interests/personalities would differ so much that the opportunity to "date" just wouldn't even arise.

or, chances are it wouldn't at least.

some day when I'm looking for something to do, I'm going to rifle through your FB photos and figure out what percentage of them have you holding up a camera to do a self portrait (or group portrait with you in the pic). You seriously are the self-portrait QUEEN!

then, I'll go to Lana's pics to see how many times she's wearing polka dots...

I'm happy that you're for helping Haiti, but one of you needs to change your profile pic. It's very confusing!

Music is a window into your soul. While taste will always vary, i believe that if you are meant to be with someone for long periods of time, than you will most likely get along on the stereo. 

Recently I had someone send me a song. (We have been friends for 20 years and haven't always seen ear to ear with our taste in music). My initial reaction was, "Really?". But later that day i found myself singing it. My friend knew that somewhere inside me was something that would connect with something inside her, that liked the tune.

While you don't have to love what your friends or lovers love, It's nice to connect with music. But better for us to diverge and share the latest rockin' songs and bands.

Hows this?

<---- tariq MADE me do the self portrait thing for this one :)

"I wish 18-25 year old girls enjoyed dark pubs."

oh, they're out there. believe me.

I feel it is ok to enjoy all those Top 40 "hits" and dance up a storm at a friends wedding.  Nobody should be judged for that.  Lord knows i tell myself that so I can sleep at night...

Having an open mind is more important to me than having compatible tastes, but I will admit that guys automatically become more attractive to me if I find out we share musical interests. Also, live music takes priority over a lot of things in my budget (maybe a little too much) and I would much rather spend time with a person who understands that and wants to be a part of it, than a person who thinks I am wasting time/money. 

With my friends, there is a huge variation of musical tastes, but sometimes there are bands that everyone agrees on and I love that -- it makes for great late night sing-a-longs or kitchen dance parties, depending on the band. I love introducing people to new music and I love when they return the favour, so I definitely have some friendships where it is fair to say that our strongest bond is through music.

haha i'll give you that. that's fine.

but you don't only listen to top 40 crap. so you're coo.

(resisting the urge to make a quip about the kind of friend who plays top 40 at their wedding ;) i feel that might be too harsh, and not exactly reflective of how i actually feel about that)

I second that exception. When you're at a friend's wedding, you want to have as much fun as possible regardless of the music.

@boders - Woodhands show coming up in ....march? Or was it end of Feb. I also like to dance but I have to enjoy the music. I can't just dance to a decent beat, I have be dancing cause I'm into the music. It's just like I can enjoy a good mosh pit when the right band is playing, especially when they're courteous like when the Pack AD played the mint Xmas party.

I think often a person's musical taste also reflects on their personality--not that one should judge a person just on the basis of what kind of music they like. But a hardcore Sufjan Stevens fan may find it hard to find things in common with a hardcore Miley Cyrus fan.

It also depends from a person to person. Personally, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a person who has a very different taste in music than me. We should be able to respect out differences. Music isn't the priority, other things are. And I sincerely hope the same goes for other couples.

It's true - I did!

My firends and I would do pub crawls that would inevitably lead us to the top 40 bars, where we would catalogue some famous quotes. Here are a few gems:

"I dunno, Cora, I don't think that speaker looks safe for you to dance on in those heals"

"Dude, bro, buddy, dude, she totally looks doable bro"

"I LOVE THIS SONG!, who is it?" "That's the DJ rapping out drink specials"

"Why do 8 out of the 10 urnials have puke in them, it's only 9pm"

"On man she's gonna break her neck on that speaker"

"Wherz my purse? Someone turn off the music and help me look for my purse!"

"Should we all pop our collars?"

"You're too drunk to drive." "Ughh, you sound like my girlfriend."

"OMG Cora are you okay?"

So I was fairly certain the AC/DC / Black Eyed Peas song was a Girl Talk mashup... and that could explain the craziness.

After spending way too much time researching, (but not listening because it's blocked at work), I'm confident it's not.

But this also raises the question: why do I hate all the Girl Talk songs on their own, but when mashed up they sound amazing?!

Look at the list of songs on this album that he samples.  I wouldn't be caught dead listening to about 90% of them... yet when I put this CD in my car I REALLY pump it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_Ripper

I think we need to differentiate between 'bad' taste and 'different' taste.  Its important because one I can respect and one I can't.  I know people who are into music that's not really my bag, but I can respect it.  I could totally date one of those people.  If someone was into.. say.. you know its coming... Nickelback, well, that's a non-starter.  I think you have to ask yourself what's really important in life  - for example - I date a chef with good taste in music and a great rack.  I'm a very happy man!

Back from lunch, and after speed reading all of the posts above, I really don’t have much more to add that hasn’t been covered before.  Expect a personal experience.

I’ve told (and retold) the story of how I came to Radio3, a chain of events that started with going to a club in Charlottetown on my 2003 honeymoon, and ended up where I am now – thrilled at the magic of Radio3 and the artists there.  Even at 58, I don’t feel anywhere near that old, as I am fascinated by the music, and even though I’m very knowledgeable on music back to the start of rock and roll, (since it has all happened in my lifetime!), the music I hear from Canada is, to me, better than anything I’ve ever heard before.  Maybe it’s my mid-life crisis, but I’m not nuts over the music trying to be younger, I just simply love the music.

That being said, even though my wife has gone with me to see Sloan, Joel Plaskett and A.C. Newman, it is abundantly clear she doesn’t care for the music.  I always invite her to the shows I want to go to, but I know the answer is “no”.  A real downer, especially since I got into this since we got married.  And that’s what made going to see Two Hours Traffic in Vancouver last fall so much fun, I was staying with AlexofAnders, and there was a group of us going, and it was so much more rewarding to be able to share that excitement.  (Come to think of it, it sorta looked like I was their dad chaperoning them all.  But don’t tell Alex or Brenda I said that.)

Someone above said that it was important to have some things in common.  Doesn’t have to be music necessarily, but at least something.  You wouldn’t want a carbon copy of yourself, but something that whenever thing are starting to go roughly, you can both agree to do something you both enjoy, and get yourself off on track. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t make sure that we had shared things in common before I proposed.  Sadly, we have devolved into almost separate lives living in the same house.  At least until two weeks ago.  We are now apart, and there will be no reconciliation.  Sad days.

I tell this to you all here because I have so many friends here, and have shared other stories on my history and travels.  And last night I bought my ticket to see Sloan in San Francisco next month.

Lee Hower – Sacramento, California

My friend was having a birthday party...his facebook event said they were going to THIS and then THIS. I only went to one of them...and I never thought in a million years I would (it was actually kinda fun/funny and I got some good photos out of it.)

I'm positive it wasn't a Girl Talk song, it was very clearly a back and forth of harsh cuts to My Humps and Thunderstuck (or was it You Shook Me All Night Long?). Anyways, it might have been more that it was exectuted poorly than even the choice of what to mash together.

As for why you like the mash ups but not the originals, think of it as if Girl Talk's instrument is the mixer and his chords are other people's songs. You can take stuff that doesn't sound good on its own and still create something new that much superior. The songs are just a tool to make his music.

Very sorry to hear your news. Know that you've got many friends here to support you.

Thanks.  And you are right.  The support I've gotten from all my pals here has been overwhelming.

I do love this place.

Hmmm.  And now there's nothing holding me in Sacramento any longer . . .

Lee

I think that "study" was SAT scores, not IQ.  And study is much too kind a word for it.

It didn't control for income level.  It's already known that poor kids do worse on standardized tests (and not because they're less smart), and it's fairly obvious that poor kids are more likely to listen to Lil' Wayne.  So a "study" showing a correlation between listening to Lil' Wayne and not doing well on standardized test doesn't really show anything.

You have my sympathy, too.  Best of luck with the next stage of your life, whatever it may be.

That song is sounding worse with every comment you make. sorry man.

I like the way you describe Girl Talk.  It really defies logic how much I enjoy it, and I do realize a lot of hard work goes into making what he does.....

I wonder how his brain works?! Does he hear all these songs in his head and works from there, or do they just sort of come to him on the fly? It'd be interesting to give that guy a call.

Sorry to hear about that.  We're all here for you.

yeah, I really feel for ladies in general when I see testosterone really, really, really pressing. That was just to bring back a tired male stereotype for Alex!

Very interesting.  I saw Tegan/Sara work on some remix on video one time, it took her all night as each beat had to be altered individually.  Sooooo much work.  What do you mash up?? Is it hard? maybe she just sucked at it, haha.

speaking of albums: I really like Danger Mouse's Grey Album, which is bizarre considering how much I enjoy both albums on their own.  Do I think he's in the same level as the Beatles or Jay Z? nah.

Same with Tor's Sufjan mash up project.  I really think he's on to something, but I like the original better. 

I wonder if most people share this feeling about mash-uppers that we do?

Maybe.

Radio 3 definitely has more educated listeners, but is that because it appeals more to folks with degrees, or because most jobs where you can sit at a desk and listen to internet radio all day require a degree?

Or is it because they mostly play middle-class music (whatever that is)?  I mean, yes, there is some hip-hop and country (which are more popular with urban and rural working-class folks, I think), but it tends to be outnumbered by pop, rock, and sort of pop-folk stuff.

I definitely don't think you can say that listening to this music made people smart.  A lot of the blog commenters have listened to "worse" music in the past.

C'mon! All ladies like a smashingly drunk, pancake sweat armpits dude huggin the shit out of them.

I do it all the time.  They REALLY like it if you spill as much beer on them as possible too.

I've discovered why you can't meet girls at pubs.  I don't think that going to clubs is going to help you.

If you're still on here, my advice would be to listen to some Ryan Adams.....that guy has some of the best break-up songs I can think of.  http://www.songmeanings.net/artist/view/songs/7305/