So the nominations for the 2007
Polaris Prize have been
debated intensively on an ultra-secret, invite-only Google Group for the last two months. There
are several people from
Radio3 that were invited to the participate in
this online jury, but none have been more vocal than
Grant
Lawrence (shocker!).
While those of us in this
‘Skulls-like'
group have sworn to not reveal any of the discussions about the music, I feel safe in
revealing a few morsels about Grant.
You see, Grant is kind of
like Radio 3's version of
Larry
David. He knows how to stir up a
pot, sometimes intentionally, sometimes quite innocently. But he's got a great sense of humour and an
instinct to say whatever's on his mind - for better or worse. If you don't know Grant and only interact
with him, say... on a Google Group about the best album of 2007, you might think
he's
a
bit of an ass.
Here are a few highlights - note that these are usually in
response to heartfelt pitches for someone's favourite music of the year.
"Please replace your bong
water."
"I don't think any of these
titles stand a holy hope in hell to make the top ten."
"I don't understand any of
what you just said. Are you... tipsy?"
"What an outrageous
statement... You owe this group an immediate apology."
"Don't be such a centrally elitist snob!"
"First you say XXXX is high
on your list, then you immediately second guess it and tear it down. What's
your problem?"
"That is ridiculous! Drop
the cynicism and dig the music, lady!"
Even the Grand Poo-bah of
Polaris,
Steve Jordan, has had to step in to moderate:
"Hey Grant. Many of us may
be used to, and even enjoy, your sometimes strident sense of humour. Other,
newer members, may mistake this post for actual vitriol. Please save the
insults for those who know you personally."
So hats off to
Aaron Brophy,
the Managing Editor at
Chart Magazine,
who has used these posts to create the official Grant Lawrence Drinking Game
TM. Here are the rules:
- Each time Grant insults you
personally (1 drink)
- Each time Grant insults the
person to your right (1 drink)
- Each time Grant insults the
person to your left (1 drink)
- Each time Grant violently
offends someone, forcing them to leave the room (2 drinks)
- Each time Grant says
something you don't agree with (3 drinks)
- Each time Grant mentions the
New Pornographers (finish your drink)
- Each time Grant mentions his
podcast (1 drink) (Yes, Grant has been known to plug the podcast... once or
twenty times).
Reaction to the game has
been swift and positive:
"Do past insults count
retroactively? I could get really
hammered right now."
"If we counted insults
retroactively it could create an ugly run for liquor store proprietors. It's best to skip this notion for the sake of market stability."
All
I can say is that I'm looking forward to having a drink or two once Grant sees
this blog post and tears me a new one...
posted by
Steve Pratt
on Jun 29, 2007